wine on the keyboard

A long, long time

by Kay~Kacey on 10/10/2005

Do you ever get discouraged. You know the kind…where you think it’s NEVER going to happen? That you’ll never sell? That people all around you are saying stuff like “I just sold my first book…it was the first manuscript I wrote”. Or other annoying stuff like that 🙄

I’ve been in this funk this fall. I’ve been writing for years. Seriously writing and pursuing publication for over 15 years. (okay, a few dry spells when life got crazy, but really, most of the 15 years I’ve been writing) I get close, I get further away. I think my writing must suck and that’s why it hasn’t happened. I think I’m not wanting it hard enough. (no, I don’t really think that, because I REALLY REALLY want it). I think I’m just not lucky…but then I think people make their own luck.

I guess I’m just really ready for my luck to change. For all the “luck” I’m making for myself to, you know, actually lead to a sale. My writing output has been uncharacteristically pathetic this fall. Even when I do write, I end up throwing most of it out. I haven’t had a “flow” writing experience in months. More like just plodding along. Word by word.

I’ve done affirmations. I’ve pasted up motivational quotes. (btw, I added more to the random ones that come up on my sidebar). I’ve forced myself to keep writing. I’ve quit counting the days on my submissions out there. I keep telling myself I’m a writer.

But dammit, sometimes it just really, really gets to me that it’s taking so long! Would I have started down this road to pursuing publication if I’d have known I’d still be in this spot 12-15 years later??? I know my writing has improved. I get “better rejections” (an oxymoron). I picture myself as a published author. But, you know, it’s been a long time. People who sell in a year or two or five have no idea what this is like. Does that mean they have more talent? Better luck? That they are better writers?

Anyway, it’s been a long, long time…and I’m ready for the times to get better…

LauraP October 10, 2005 at 1:45 pm

Do you write because you love to write? Or do you write because you want to be an author?

Melissa October 10, 2005 at 2:03 pm

I completely understand where you’re coming from, Kacey. I’ve struggled with that, too. And LauraP is right – we need to decide if we write because we love to write or if we write to just be an author. I think the truth falls somewhere in between. We love to write and we’ll continue writing even if we’re never published. BUT, getting recognition for that talent is something a lot of us crave. It’s only human to want to feel successful in what we love. So keep at it, Kacey. You have the talent and desire to succeed. Your time is coming!

Rene October 10, 2005 at 2:08 pm

Geez, Kacey, your post pretty much reflects the conversations I have with Melissa everyday. Sometimes I skip the “New Sales” section of the RWR because it is too much to read. I get discouraged but then I remember the whole reason I started writing: I enjoy writing. I can’t stop. And yes, I drool at the thought of publication, but I try not to let the lack of my success in the industry color my enjoyment of the writing process. It ain’t easy and I resent the “but will it be marketable?” questions that pop in my head. You are not alone, Kacey.

kacey October 10, 2005 at 2:22 pm

well, it’s not about whether I love to write. I’d probably write even if I wasn’t trying to sell. I’d at least journal or write stories or something. And I already feel like an author, so it’s not that. It’s just that it’s taking so long. I’ve had this goal for years and years. To be published. I’ve formed my life and made decisions based on this goal. I’ve given up lots for this goal. And the goal is still just sitting out there…

Le Ellis October 10, 2005 at 4:27 pm

Hugs, Kacey! I certainly know how you feel. I think it’s harder this time around for me. Because I know how hard it is. When I first started, I didn’t know. I thought I’d have a sale in a year. LOL! Sometimes you need to take a break, just relax, and fall in love with some character. Let the idea come to you. Then maybe the writing will flow again. You gotta love it first. But don’t quit. Don’t ever quit. I have to tell myself often that if I quit trying, then that’s the only sure way I won’t sell.

Michelle October 10, 2005 at 4:46 pm

Hang in there, Kacey. It’s a long, lonely road. I know I sure wouldn’t have finished even my first book, let alone three, without good friends to support me. Just know that we’re out there rooting for you.

And sweetie, you and I have a Harlequin party to attend next year. You just wait! :beer:

Suzanne October 10, 2005 at 4:54 pm

It’s gonna happen! So mote it be……..

Gina October 10, 2005 at 5:55 pm

I feel the same way. I’ve been writing in one form or another since my teens. Started working towards publication a bit after I graduated college – about five years ago. My nonfiction has sold some, but when it comes to my fiction that hasn’t really done well. I had a fan fiction site that everyone adored, but not one of my stories have sold. I still write them because I love to write, and I know someday it will happen. It just does get discouraging when it just doesn’t happen.

Kelly C. October 10, 2005 at 11:05 pm

Kacey, I’m sorry for the fall slump. It feels awful when you set a goal and not yet reach it. But I have heard and read of success stories of writers writing 10 – 15 years and they final wrote the right book, and got it on the right editor’s desk, at at the right publishing house, at the right time.

Hang in there, your hard work will pay off.

Peggy October 11, 2005 at 8:33 am

Kacey, it will happen! Just you wait and see!

Tori October 11, 2005 at 10:16 am

Kacey, you are so preaching to the choir, hon. Hugs!

Emma S October 11, 2005 at 11:39 am

Kacey –
Have you tried small presses or epublishers? I know I’m still aiming for a NY pub, but it is..inspirational to sell to an epub. Selling to an epub is kind of like validation that somebody likes my work and it keeps me motivated to keep writing for the Big Pubs.

Danica October 11, 2005 at 5:17 pm

Kacey, hugs!

Teresa October 13, 2005 at 6:55 am

Kacey – jumping in late here. Yeah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I haven’t been at this quite as long as you, but I’ve been in a similar slump lately. Especially after that form rejection. BUT, but – having just read your other post, about all those ideas hitting you, I think it’s proof we’re both MEANT to keep on writing :typing: Even though more than half the time if feels like we’re just :wallbash:.

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